dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
