I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
