dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
