I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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