...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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