dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
