I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
