His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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