Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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