Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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