you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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