I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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