you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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