Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
