why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
