5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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