You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
