you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
