dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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