i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
