Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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