I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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