That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
