It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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