Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
