why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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