If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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