Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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