So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
