In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
