i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
