i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
