I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
