Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
