I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
