Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
