Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
love makes seman taste better
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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