i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
