just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
