Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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