My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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