I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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