oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
