careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Need sex. Gaining weight.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
