just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
