you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
