we're blogging at a bar
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
