4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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