3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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