god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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