Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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