I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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