A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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