That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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