Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
