At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize
