are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
