just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
