Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
