Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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