ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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