I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
