Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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