remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
