Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
