So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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