dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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