i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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