Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
