I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
