i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
