Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
