Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I didn't notice because vodka
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
