was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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