If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
