ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
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