My balls are so social today.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
