he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
