I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
