another moral hangover. fuck.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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