I showed him my bush... on skype.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
