i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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