Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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